Well hello there! Long time no write, eh? Yeah. I've been pretty busy lately, what with taking my ACT, working thirty-ish hours a week, and sleeping. And then there was all of November when I was doing NaNoWriMo... which is excruciatingly fun. With all of that going on you think I'd do something useful on my one day off. Like laundry. Or cleaning my room. But no! I spend my day off writing stories about gassy dragons. In my defense, dragons are way more fun than dirty socks and tidying. When I woke up this morning I first panicked because I thought I was going to be late for work, then I realized I didn't have to work today, then I debated about whether I had offended someone with something I had said the day before or not, and then I got up and grabbed a pen and paper. I wrote for about an hour and then I decided I'd like to post what I had written on my blog. So that's what I'm up to right now. I had way too much fun writing this. Somewhere along the line I started imagining the main character, Meegley, as Martin Freeman's John Watson and another character, Sunbiter, as Benedict Cumberbatch - not Sherlock, just Benedict Cumberbatch. I don't even know how that happened. You are free to imagine them in that way or in any other way you choose. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry there are no pictures. The dragon was belching again. One could tell by the inky black tendrils of smoke that were oozing from the diamond mines on the outskirts of town. By that and by the enormous BURP! that preceded each new spout of smoke. The rather rude noises were quite the inconvenience to everyone in town, particularly the China shop owner, as they caused the ground to rumble and the leaves on the trees to shake off of the branches as if it was the middle of autumn, while it was really only May. One person the belches did not bother was Meegley the Sixteenth of the Gleegley Farm. Meegley, or “Meeg” as he was known to those dear to him, was too distracted to be much worried about the dragon smoke and burps. The fact of the matter was that his wife was in the process of doing something incredibly difficult and, truthfully, somewhat dangerous. She was doing her best to bring Meegley the Seventeenth of the Gleegley Farm into the world. Mrs. Gleegley, whose name was Freegley (the First), was bothered by the dragon’s impertinent sounds, as they were distracting her from her rather taxing task. “Meeg, love!” She panted to her husband, who was standing in the corner of their room, watching through the window as the leaves were belched off of their apple tree. “Yes, dear?” He smiled, turning to look at her and noticing that she was sweating a great deal. “I know Dragon Sunbiter is a wonderful help to the community, what with him finding diamonds for us and predicting the weather every Saturday.” “Yes, he is a marvel, isn’t he?” “Mmm hmm- ugh!” Freegley glared at her enormous tummy and then at the midwife, who shrugged, “But could you possibly tell him he’s making this very - ugh! - difficult?” She couldn’t say anymore because she was interrupted by a loud BURP! Meegely loved his wife more than anything. More than his parents and siblings, more than his favorite shirt, more than his pig farm, and even more than his king. Though he’d never say that outloud because it was treason. Since he loved his wife so dearly, what else could he do but dash outside, mount his horse, and ride down to the mine? He covered his mouth with his handkerchief when he got there, trying not to breath in the copious amounts of smoke. Rushing into the cave before Dragon Sunbiter could release gas again, Meegley almost tripped over a large pile of glittering diamonds. The farmer was tempted to take one because he knew that babies were expensive. He wasn’t exactly a beggar, but a fifty carat diamond would certainly help to take care of a growing boy or girl. However, he didn’t want his farm to be burned to the ground when the dragon inevitably discovered the missing jewel, so Meegley left it be and approached the dragon instead. The dragon himself was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling of the cave. He was using his pickaxe-like claws to break diamonds loose from their hiding places above him. The scaly purple and blue beast was content seeming as he counted his treasure and piled it nearby. “...five, six, seven, eight, nine…” Here the dragon smirked and belched happily, knocking Meegley off his feet and into a pile of blue diamonds. Dragon Sunbiter laughed heartily, “Ten!” Setting the pile aside, the reptile began again. Before he could get to ten, Sunbiter was interrupted by Meegley clearing his throat. Flopping over onto his vast belly, the dragon looked the farmer in the eye. Meegley was intimidated, recalling stories of nasty dragons that would gobble people up for a midday meal. He’d never believed such tales before, having grown up such a benevolent dragon in the near vicinity, but as he gazed into the pupiless golden eyes, the man could see how the rumors might have been started. The teeth as long as swords were beginning to sway his opinion of the creatures. “You’ve ruined my game, chap. What for?” Sunbiter had a kind, deep voice, which reminded Meegley of his grandfather. The voice made the farmer shake his head at the thought of someone so noble ever eating anyone. “Sorry to bother you, Dragon, but my wife sent me on a mission.” “Not to try and slay me, I should hope,” Sunbiter’s face lifted where there might have been an eyebrow if he’d had hair, “It’s a perfectly awful thing to have to kill humans. You are all so tiny and adorable.” “No! I would never!” Meegley made a show of crossing his heart. “Good! You are one of the smart ones then.” “I’d like to think so. Anyway, my wife is in the middle of giving birth as we speak.” “Oh goodness!” The dragon belched again, filling the room with smoke, “Congratulations!” “Thank you.” Meegley smiled proudly at being congratulated by a dragon. “Is this your first?” “Yes, Dragon.” “Bravo. I shall have to send over a fruit basket. You smell of pigs so I know where to send it - Greegley, right?” “Yes, Dragon.” “Fantastic!” Sunbiter burped again, this time a little fire came with it, singeing Meegley’s mustache, “I love babies. So ugly, but so small! And they make the funniest sounds!” “Yes, but Dragon, your, um, game is making it very hard for my wife to concentrate.” Sunbiter gasped, claws flying to his mouth in horror. “My most sincere apologies! But I really cannot stop.” “Oh?” The dragon’s cheeks changed to a brighter purple as he blushed. “I’m afraid I’ve been rather stupid. Yesterday I had a drink from a magical fountain I discovered in the woods. Never should have done it because now I have a terrible case of gas,” He winked, “At least it’s not coming out the other end, eh?” Meegley crossed his arms while Dragon Sunbiter chuckled. “That’s hardly a polite thing to mention.” “Err, yes, sorry.” “What are we to do?” Meegley exclaimed, “My poor wife is distraught!” Sunbiter drummed his fingers on the cave floor, deep in thought. “I know! I shall fly over to the Frightful Forest and do my belching there! It’s far enough away that it ought not bother anyone.” “Great! I’m sure Freegley would be most appreciative if you did.” “Consider it done,” Sunbiter nodded, “I’ll be sure to send the fruit when I’m not so... indisposed. Maybe I’ll even pay a visit sometime.” With that, the great beast stood and walked out of the cave, unfurling his beautiful wings as he went. The wings looked much like the stained glass windows in the church with all purple and blue panels. It was a spectacle to behold as the sun hit them just right and sent colorful patterns scattering across the ground and Meegley’s face. “Congrats again, chap!” Sunbiter called, flying off in the direction of the Frightful Forest - burping all the while. Meegley found his horse, who’d run away a few hundred meters when it had seen the dragon, and headed home to check on his wife and child. When he got back to the farm he found that Freegley had just finished up and they had a handsome baby boy. Meanwhile, Sunbiter landing in a clearing in the woods that was far enough away from civilisation that it seemed no one would be affected by his gaseous outbursts. Thinking himself to be alone, he began burping wildly. He would have been quite embarrassed had he known someone was listening nearby. As it turned out, Sunbiter had picked a location near to the underground home of Chanter the Terrible. Chanter, a dark fairy, was attempting to get in some sleep when a belch shook the earth and caused her to fall out of her moss bed. She angrily flitted to her feet and pulled on her long black cloak, which she used in place of a bathrobe. Pulling her exquisite silver hair out of its delicate and intricate braid and into a horrendous, tangled frizz, she shoved her feet into big black boots. Now feeling effectively frightening, the wicked fairy marched up her stairs to her front door, which was framed by an ancient oak and pointed away from the burping dragon. She stepped outside to see who was making such obnoxious and rude sounds. However, she was facing the wrong direction and didn’t see Sunbiter. If she had spotted him she might have gone back inside, as the fairies had a longstanding quarrel with dragons - a quarrel they generally lost when it came down to one on one confrontations. Since she did not see him or anyone else to be mad at, she figured she needed to vent some way and opened her wings. Launching herself into the air, she liked the feeling of wind rushing over her massive feathered wings. The appendages were twice as long as she was tall, black, and covered in feathers. Chanter was fiercely proud of how menacing they made her look. As she flew, she recalled an invitation that she’d received earlier in the week. The fairy had been invited to attend the “most joyus” christening of the king and queen’s new daughter. Coincidentally, that event was going on the very day Chanter was looking for something mean to do. Normally she wouldn’t have even gone to such an event because she hated people and parties made her uncomfortable. But she was in a rotten mood so she decided she’d go curse the baby to lift her spirits. Nothing drastic - after all, it was the child’s fault that Chanter was having a bad day, but some spell that would be terribly annoying. The king and queen would probably do something rash in retaliation, such as calling the guards of promising that Chanter could have their next child if she just lifted the curse off of this one, but she wouldn’t be pestered by that. She’d curse the baby anyway. “It’s the parents fault,” She muttered as she zoomed through the clouds, “Really, who is dumb enough to invite someone with the title ‘the Terrible’ to their baby’s christening?” And that is the story of how Meegley the Sixteenth of Gleegley Farm inadvertently caused a princess to be cursed. But now the story of to be told is that of how Meegley the Seventeenth of Gleegley Farm, with the help of some pigs, broke that curse. Part 2 Here
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Personal Rating: 4 Stars Goodreads Rating: 3.85 Stars In the good old days, magic was indispensable—it could both save a kingdom and clear a clogged drain. But now magic is fading: drain cleaner is cheaper than a spell, and magic carpets are used for pizza delivery. Fifteen-year-old foundling Jennifer Strange runs Kazam, an employment agency for magicians—but it’s hard to stay in business when magic is drying up. And then the visions start, predicting the death of the world’s last dragon at the hands of an unnamed Dragonslayer. If the visions are true, everything will change for Kazam—and for Jennifer. Because something is coming. Something known as . . . Big Magic. (goodreads.com) I wasn’t even going to read this book when I checked it out from the library. You know how you just grab a ton of books sometimes, knowing you probably won’t be able to read them all, but you get them anyway? This was one of the books that I grabbed thinking it sounded good, but I didn’t think I’d actually get around to reading it. Well, I did read it and I’m glad that I did because I loved it. This is one of those books that reminds me of a time when I was so obsessed with reading and fantasy that I was falling behind in school. Not the most pleasant time, but some of the most pleasant books. It was pre-high school, of course, when it didn’t matter so much if I goofed off (but I sure drove my mom crazy - sorry Mom!), and my reading time could span across a whole day. That’s when I was really into dragons and fairies and magic (I still am, I’ve just expanded into different genres now). This book reminds me of all of the crazy stories I read back then and how much fun they were. It seems like one of those novels that you read, enjoy, and then move on. It’s one of those books that is great, but you’d never say it’s one of your favorites because it just slips to the back of your mind. Jennifer Strange, our MC, is a really fun character. She is logical, but has an open enough mind to deal with magic and wizards and not be freaked out. She’s level headed and ready to take on any challenge, including kings, dragons, and business tycoons. I like that she’s brave and moral, but still struggles with her problems in relatable ways. Also, I love the fact that there weren’t a huge amount of instances of people saying “but you’re a girl!” or “a girl can’t do this”. Of course there were a few instances, but it wasn’t a huge trait of the story. The setting was amazing as well. This story takes place in our world, but if magic had been real and people know about it. No one is startled that magic exists because wizards often redo the wiring on homes and magic has always existed. Sometimes characters are surprised at certain types of magic, but no one is shocked that it exists. I love this approach to fantasy. Unless it’s set in a whole other world then magic is always alarming people, whereas, in this book, it’s just a force that exists. Like gravity. I also enjoyed that they have much of the same technology in this book that we have today as well as magic. I suppose the ending of the story was a little abrupt and there may have been too many characters crammed into the story, but for the most part I could find no flaws with this book. A few of the terms they used were confusing, but you just kind of go with it and, even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s still enjoyable. As soon as I finished this book I wanted to dash outside and run to the library to see if they have the second one. However, it is freezing out there and slushy snow is on the ground… and I’ve only got a sweater. So, maybe a little bit later, with the aid of a heated car, I will go pick up the next one. I eagerly await reading Jasper Fforde’s next novel. As eagerly as a Quarkbeast awaits a nice meal of steel. Image source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13316328-the-last-dragonslayer |
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