Personal Rating: 3 Stars Goodreads rating at time of review: 4.18 Stars Content Rating: Light PG-13 Trigger Warnings: Racism, misogyny, character has panic attacks Floss is most definitely NOT marrying the Goblin King, even if it saves her a trip through the labyrinth. Floss, an aspiring law student, has enough troubles to ruffle anyone’s bustle. Her school of choice won’t let her in because of her gender, her equal rights league is hopelessly ineffective, and there aren’t enough calming tonics in the world to stave off her panic attacks. Now her niece is missing, the roguish Goblin King keeps proposing, and sinister forces threaten Floss’s city. She’ll have to brave a dangerous labyrinth and question everything she believes in to save not only her family, but an entire kingdom down below. If only the Goblin King wasn’t quite so distracting, she might actually be able to do it. (goodreads.com) As always, we must take a moment to behold a pretty cover. I love the pink! It sort of makes me think of the covers of old Barbie movies, which is a spectacular vibe. Now, if you read the description and if you’ve ever seen Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, you may be noticing some similarities between this book and that movie. And I think this book was inspired by Labyrinth (though I can find no information to back that up) or perhaps started as a fanfiction, but I can assure you the vibes are fairly distinct from one another. Though, I suppose they are the same enough that it would still interest someone who might be looking for a book “like Labyrinth”. As we get into this review, I fear that I might have several negative things to say, so I want to start out by saying that I did really enjoy reading it. Easy to get into, interesting world building, cute romance, female friendships, a dashing goblin king—all very fun to read and I liked it quite a bit. However, no matter how much of a good time I had while reading it, I also felt a persistent feeling of “hmm… that doesn’t seem quite right”. As well as a few other little things that bothered me. Let’s get into it, shall we? First off, the romance. It was cute. It was fun. The male main character was the king of a magical realm and a gentleman with a penchant for mischief. What could possibly go wrong with that? Well, for the most part the king was completely fine as a love interest (I was not expecting him to turn into a giant green creature that I could only picture as the Hulk, but you know, some people are into that so whatevs). It was Floss that I took most issue with. Floss was so… law abiding. Literally that’s one of her main character traits. She wants to be a lawyer and follow the law precisely. Which is fine, but it also meant that she was sort of naïve and ignorant of problems in her world. She is part of a group that protests for equal rights for women and magical creatures, but she is woefully uneducated about the plights of those magical creatures. It’s frustrating because she wants to do what is right, but she also won’t acknowledge when she is not doing what’s right. It reminds me very much of a well meaning woman of privilege who only sees her own problems and is insensitive to the injustices against minorities even as she speaks up for them. Like, she’s fighting for her equal rights and since she’s friends with magical creatures, she’ll tag their rights on too. That was another thing that bothered me. Equating magical creatures to real life minorities who are facing injustice is always a tricky thing to write. Because much of the time it starts to feel like mockery of real people, or saying that real people who face discrimination are “not human”. I’m just not sure that it’s the best idea to say that historically people of color faced the same problems as fairies. I suppose there are instances where it can be done well, but this book’s attempt at handling “magical social justice” left me feeling uncomfortable. Another irritation I have with Floss was that her motive for being such a rule follower was because of something bad she’d done in her past. And I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s trauma, but when you find out what the horribly wicked thing is that she did… it’s not really all that bad. I don’t even really understand why she did it apart from the fact that she was a child and children do stupid things. And when this big horrible thing is revealed to her sister, who was affected by the big horrible thing, Floss is immediately forgiven and faces no consequences, making me feel that it wasn’t really necessary to the plot. It seemed like it was put in as background information about Floss, supposedly telling us why she wants to be a lawyer. But the thing is, the reader is already told at the very beginning of the book what her motivations are and they seem perfectly believable. So I don’t really know why a second reason was necessary. I don’t want to spoil too much of the book or harp on it endlessly, but I also just want to mention that the conflict is resolved astoundingly easily. Sure, there is a whole journey through a labyrinth to get through, but once that is done then everything sort of just falls into place with minimal bumps in the road. The antagonist causes a little bit of drama, but other than that, everything is worked out super easily. This would have been fine, because by the end of the book I was more interested to see the resolution to the romance. However, a redundant amount of time was spent on sorting out the main conflict instead (which, as mentioned, practically solved itself anyway). The romance is sorted out with a teeny tiny epilogue that felt somewhat unsatisfactory. I liked Floss and the goblin king as a couple, I wanted to see more of their relationship once the labyrinth business was sorted. Also, brief note: one of the goblin kingdom’s major problems was solved by the tourism industry. The problem created by imperialism was solved with tourism. And that just seems… I don’t know, maybe too close to real history for many places. Especially because the citizens of the goblin kingdom seem quite averse to outsiders (which Floss knows when she suggests the “solution” of tourism) and they don’t really want further intrusion from the oppressive empire. You probably wouldn’t believe it from all of the critiques I just mentioned, but I did genuinely enjoy reading this book. The magic was fun, the writing voice was comedic, but not overly so, the characters were, for the most part, interesting. There were just certain aspects that I felt were not as good as they could have been. It is hard to praise the features of the book that I really liked when they are so entangled with potentially problematic pieces. All of that being said, I do want to read the next book in this series when it is released as well as the novella (only available as an ebook currently) that is already out. If I do, I will try to post another review and we’ll see if things improve for the world of “Lady Primrose Presents”. Thank you for reading this review, I’m off to run the labyrinth to get my cat back. I’m sure that’s where she goes when I can’t find her. TTFN! Image source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60210872-how-to-train-your-goblin-king
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Huzzah for a new unboxing! I heard about Fae Crate on Instagram and I was so excited to see that their March box fit my interests so well! I love a good nature magic/cottagecore theme and this box did not disappoint! Plus, the book cover is beautiful! Check out the spoilers below the video. Spoilers for True Nature box:
❀Book: Flowerheart by Catherine Bakewell ❀Tea spoon inspired by The Nature of Witches ❀Coaster set inspired by A Lesson in Vengence ❀Ankle socks inspired by Only a Monster ❀Enamel mug from Strike the Zither ❀Polaroid print from Three Dark Crowns ❀Art print from Flowerheart Here we go with chapter three! This chapter mixes things up a little bit, introducing us to a character who is not like the other four. And also an elf. Please excuse my terrible accents, I needed a way to audibly distinguish between the characters, so you're just going to have to put up with it. My apologies. Also, I did include a very short blooper in this video because I hadn't read the chapter before reading and I was taken aback by a very random scene involving pudding. 8th grade me thought she had a great sense of humor. I'm not sure I agree. If you haven't listened to the first two chapters yet you can check out Chapter 1 here and Chapter 2 here. As always, you can read along in the text below the video. Chapter 3: Felix
What a great day. Felix Royal thought. Royal IS a weird last name. That is because it comes with the job Felix has. You’ll see what I mean in a moment. Felix couldn’t believe what an unbelievably good day he was having. It was so good that Felix started to hum an old nursery tune. This was rare for Felix because his family had to worry about every dangerous creature in the world attacking anyone in the kingdom and he was rarely giddy enough to sing. Felix sang to himself as he carried a basket of unicorn food. Why in the world would he need unicorn food you ask? That is also part of the boy’s job. Yes, I am talking of the same mystical creature you’re thinking of. The thing is Felix lives in a different world than us. In his world there are unicorns, dragons, and elves. Oh elves, the sneaky little creatures, not the same kind that help Santa Clause. These little fellows love to play pranks and cause mischief. They are about one foot tall and wear all purple, even their hair is purple! All right, let’s get back to Felix. He was carrying unicorn food to the unicorn’s stall at the back of the stables. Now you are probably wondering what job would cause you to change your last name and make you feed unicorns. The answer is simple, Felix is the prince. I hope I gave you enough time to recover from your shock; it is SO irritating when you faint in the middle of a story. Felix has the last name Royal because he is royalty. He has to feed the unicorns because only princes can handle unicorns. I know this is a lot to take in. Oh well, you’ll get it eventually. Felix dumped the slop into the feed trough. He whistled and the kingdom’s three best unicorns came running to him. He brushed their manes and stroked their sides. After Felix had taken care of his unicorns he went inside the well-lit castle. The sun fell on the tapestries that hung on the ancient brick walls. Felix wandered, dawdling so to keep him away from other people. He hated running into people that he didn’t know personally, they always bowed and made a big deal about him being prince. Do you know how annoying it is to be right in the middle of walking your dog and someone comes up and says “How is your health your majesty?”? It is quite bothersome Felix can assure you. Perhaps people wouldn’t recognize me if I took off my crown… The boy took his golden band off his cranium. A few seconds later two big, burly fellows ran up to him and picked him up! “Hey! What’s the big idea?!” Felix hissed into one of the men’s ear. The two paid no mind to the teenager’s questions, but instead they tore through the halls of the castle. They, unlike Abby and James, looked where they were going and ended up exactly where they wanted to be, the throne room. Inside the throne room Felix’s parents sat upon their regal chairs. The queen dashed over to her son and ordered the men to put him down. The gents looked to the king, who nodded. The fellows put Felix down and stepped back from the mother and son. “Felix! Are you alright? We sent guards to you as soon as your crown was taken off your head.” The Queen said, inspecting her son. “H-how did you know w-where I was and that I had t-taken off my c-crown? I, I didn’t tell anyone w-where I was.” Felix stuttered after he recovered from his shock. The Queen sighed. “Can I tell him darling?” The Queen asked the King. “I suppose he can know.” The King sighed melodramatically. “Know what?” Felix pursued. “Felix,” his mother began, “Before you were born I made a deal with an elf that had an amazing talent, spinning straw into gold. My father needed money, so he claimed that I had this talent as well. YOUR father heard of this and offered to marry me if I could spin three rooms full of straw into gold. The first room was filled to the brim and I knew that I would be executed for not doing as the king told. Then the elf appeared. He promised to do it for me in exchange for a bracelet that I had.” The Queen took a breath and continued, “I told him that I’d give it to him if he saved me from what my father had gotten me into. He helped me with the first and second rooms of straw. On the third room I ran out of jewelry.” Felix scowled as the Queen continued, “I ran out of jewelry and I promised the first royal child.” The Queen looked as if she could cry, “As you know that is you.” Felix nodded. “Go on.” He requested grimly. “When I became queen it was the last thing on my mind. Shortly after you were born I didn’t even remember, until the elf showed up. He said that if I could guess his name he would let me keep you. I thought, ‘How hard can it be to guess his name?’ So I got a list of all the names that anyone had ever named anyone. I kind of forgot to get the list of elfin names. So the little man thought he had won. Then one day one of the kingdom’s best spies spotted the elf in the woods. The elf was chanting ‘They’ll never guess my name! Rumplestitskin’s won the game!’ The spy came back to the castle and told me immediately what he had seen.” Felix nodded but didn’t understand fully. “So what does this have to do with me being found when my crown is taken off?” “Honey, you’re not going to like this, but Rumplestiltskin, the elf, is still after you. Because of this we put a tracking spell in your crown. It tells us where the crown is no matter what happens to it. This way Stiltskin couldn’t take you without us knowing where you are, unless, of course you take your crown off. So the crown also tells us when you take it off.” Felix was mad, angry, and maybe even furious. His parents had been tracking him every day of his life, and he hadn’t even known it! What else were they keeping from him? Felix threw the crown on his head down. “I’m not going to wear this anymore! You can’t make me either!” He roared, leaving the room. Later that day Felix felt bad about yelling at his mother. He also felt bad about making the castle wizard work so hard trying to make his crown stop beeping because it wasn’t on Felix anymore. So the teen walked out of his chamber that his father had sent him to after the outrage in the throne room. As he exited the castle and headed to the gazebo where his mother sometimes went to think, Felix noticed a dark shape creeping around the court yard. What is that, I wonder? Felix thought. The shape crept around corners and snaked towards Felix. What was it? As it came nearer Felix saw that it had the shape of a man, but much smaller. It was only about a foot tall. It had dark clothing on and its hair was dark too. An elf? Felix guessed catching a glint of purple in the dim moonlight. But why would an elf be sneaking around the court yard? Felix didn’t get it. Most creatures were allowed in the palace, with the exceptions of trolls and ogres. Felix then made the mistake of going up to the elf. “Excuse me sir,” he started courteously. Before the boy could finish, the short man in front of him jumped at Felix. The young prince took a step backwards so the elf missed him. The elf grunted as he landed on the hard ground. Dust flew everywhere; it got in Felix’s eyes and all over the elf, coating his purple hair in dirt. The prince coughed and the elf took it as an advantage. Leaping onto the unprepared boy he knocked them both to the ground causing even more dust to fly into the air. (It hadn’t rained for a while.) The two struggled for about five minutes until the experienced elf wore out Felix. The elf knocked the prince unconscious and carried him away. You are probably wondering if I have forgotten about Jeff, Rosie, James, and Abby. As you can see by reading this page, I haven’t forgotten our friends from our world. Well if you are from the same world as Felix, then I haven’t forgotten our friends from my world. So if you keep reading you will eventually see why I have included Felix in the story. So read more if you can’t stand not knowing what is going on. When Felix awoke he was lying on his back. The sight he saw was a clear, blue morning sky, outlined by incredibly tall pine trees. Felix turned over onto his side and saw the elf that had attacked him, cooking bacon in a child sized frying pan. “Pardon me sir, but where have you taken me?” Felix said, trying to be polite to someone who had just kidnapped him. “Oh, so you’re awake are you?” The elf said in a sassy tone, “Well I suppose that you’ll want breakfast too, what do I have to do? Treat you like royalty!” Felix noticed that the elf’s voice was gruffer than most elves. “Um, sir, I didn’t ask you for anything except where I am.” The boy commented. “I guess you didn’t, did you? I hate you sassy teenagers, you always think you’re right.” The elf mumbled this to himself so that Felix could scarcely hear it. “Um, sir, might I ask who you are?” “Guess. I bet you can’t figure it out.” The elf snickered rudely. “Let me think, oh, I don’t know, could it be Rumplestiltskin?” Felix said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Rumplestiltskin chuckled. “I like you kid. You’ve got a good sense of humor. Here I have you tied up good and tight, and you are making cute little witty remarks!” Felix glanced down at his arms, he WAS tied up. How was he going to get away now? His crown! His crown had a tracking spell on it, maybe he could just knock it off and the whole army would come! Oh, but wait, Felix had taken off his crown at the castle yesterday! It was back to the drawing board then. Minutes later the elf that was Rumplestiltskin came over and fed Felix bacon, or he tried. Felix refused to eat the stuff, wondering if it was poisoned. The elf sighed, “Come on Felix, you can trust me, I’m like your uncle or something.” Felix still didn’t eat the bacon. Uncle Stiltskin was a scary thought. Later that day, Rumplestiltskin left Felix alone because the small man needed to look around in case of royal soldiers. When he came back he picked up the young prince. The elf was surprisingly strong for his size. “Hey! Put me down! I CAN walk you know!” Felix demanded. Rumplestiltskin set him down and looked him in the eye. “Alright Felix, I’ll tell you why I borrowed you.” Borrowed, ha! That’s a laugh. “Okay Stiltskin, tell me why you KIDNAPPED me.” “Your mother has no doubt told you about our past of you, me, and her. She tried to break our deal; she guessed my name, blah, blah, and blah. I needed you those fourteen years ago. You see, when I make a deal with someone, it doesn’t usually turn out so good for me. I lose my power to spin straw into gold. It gets passed on to the person I made a deal with. So why did I help your mother? Because I felt bad for the girl, that’s why. Now I need my power back.” Rumplestiltskin said dramatically. “So how does this involve me?” Felix asked dubiously. “Well when I found I didn’t have my powers anymore I decided that there was only one thing left to do. First I gave your mother some gold that I had stored away. Then in return I asked for you. Since the powers get passed on I figured the talent would go to you. The power did go to you and you were as good as mine. Until of course the Queen guessed my name. Do you know how devastated I was?” Felix shook his head. “I need some gold. You want to know why?” The elf moaned. The prince shook his head. “Well there is this lady I know who I owe some money, she gave me until you were old enough to spin and now she wants her money. I didn’t think your parents were going to let me have you and so I borrowed you.” Oh, I guess he did borrow Felix. The elf untied Felix and told him he could go free if he wanted. Felix, being a noble prince, told him that he would help. Rumplestiltskin took Felix to the nearest spinning wheel, which happened to be at the elf’s cottage. The boy tried and tried to learn to spin, but the wheel just wouldn’t work for Felix. Stiltskin groaned. “No, no Felix, the wheel goes the other direction!” It took a while for them to figure out that Felix should just make a deal with Rumplestiltskin. “What kind of deal should we make?” Felix asked. “How about if I give you a sandwich if you sweep my floor.” Felix nodded but remembered that being a prince; he didn’t know how to sweep. He told Rumplestiltskin this. So they decided that Felix would get a sandwich if he wiped the pudding off of Rumplestiltskin. What pudding you ask? The pudding Felix “accidently” spilled on Rumplestiltskin. When Felix cleaned off Stiltskin they immediately tried his powers. The power to spin straw into gold, didn’t work. “Maybe I should get that sandwich for you now.” Rumplestiltskin grunted. So he got Felix a sandwich and they tried again. The power to spin straw into gold worked! The two shook hands and shared the sandwich. “If you ever need anything, let me know, no cost for that.” Stiltskin stated kindly. Felix nodded smiling. They were friends now that they understood each other. As Rumplestiltskin walked Felix home the two noticed that the woods were eerily quiet. “Wow, it sure is quiet.” Felix observed. When the two reached the Enchanted Creek, they were ambushed! Royal soldiers jumped from the trees and tied up Rumplestiltskin. Felix was picked up and set down on a large, white horse. “Hey! What is going on?” Felix demanded, but then he remembered that Stiltskin was still public enemy number one. “Leave him alone! He isn’t all that bad!” The captain of the royal guard sent Felix a look that shut the prince up immediately. Felix gasped as the soldiers tossed the elf into the creek. “He’ll drown!” Felix exclaimed. “That is the point, uh, Your Highness.” Captain said with a hint of hatred. All the boy could do was watch as his new friend struggled in the deep, magical waters. But, hey, Felix was the prince! The captain had to obey him right? “Captain, as your future king, I command you to release that elf!” The captain looked confused that a child was telling all three hundred pounds of muscle that was Captain, what to do! Felix looked at the soldier with an unwavering face. “Hurry up before he drowns.” Then a gear in the large man’s slow brain clicked, and he realized that this small teenager would be his boss someday. So Captain pulled Rumplestiltskin out of the creek and set the elf before Prince Felix. Felix winked at Rumplestiltskin, who, in turn, winked backed. “Set him behind me, Captain.” Felix ordered. So Felix led the troop’s home on his white stallion. Stiltskin frequently turned around and stuck his tongue out at Captain. Now Felix’s only problem was his parents and explaining what had really happened. |
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